YOU ARE...

 

You are…

The name above all names

The Great I Am

The King of Kings

The Lord of Lords

 

You are…

The one that upholds me with your righteous right hand

The one that never leaves me nor forgets me

The one that surrounds me

The one that hedges me in behind and before

The one that has laid your hand upon me

 

You are…

My shelter

My refuge

My rock

My firm foundation

 

You are…

The very breath within me

My strong tower

My hiding place

My peace speaker

You are…

The one that sings over me with SHOUTS of deliverance

The one that hears my cries

The one that orders my steps

The one that calls me the Righteousness of God in Christ

 

You are…

The one that supplies all of my needs

The one that calls me blessed and covered with favor

The one that wipes all of my tears

The one that calms all of my fears

 

You are…

The one that spoke life into existence

The one that filled the void

The one that told the sun and moon where to stand

The one that set a boundary for the sea

 

You are…

My creator

My father

My comforter

My shield

My strength

My calm in chaos

My stability in the midst of the crazy

 

You are…

The one who formed my inward parts

The one that breathed life into me

The one who knows my words before they are spoken

The one who knit me together in my mother’s womb

The one who knew me before I was formed

The one who looked on my unformed substance with love

 

You are…

The one who loves me with a pure love

The one who loves me with an unconditional love

The one who loves me in spite of myself

The one who loves EVERY SINGLE detail of me

 

You are…

The one whose name makes hell tremble

The one who took the keys of death, hell and the grave

The one who died but rose again on the third day, for me

The one who cannot be defeated

The one who nailed ALL my sins to the cross

The one who paid a debt that I could not pay

 

You are…

The one who knows all

The one who sees all

The one from whom nothing is hidden

The one with whom nothing is impossible

 

You are…

The one that pulled me from the miry clay

The one that picks me up and dusts me off

The one that sees my faults and loves me anyway

The one that says “through My Son, you are enough”

 

You are…

My joy in the middle of depression

My sunshine when there is nothing but clouds in my life

The rain to wash me clean

My peace in the middle of fear and anxiety

My smile in the midst of sadness

 

You are…

That provides me with my next breath

That gives me another day to live for you

That helps me take my next step

That tells my heart to beat one more time

 

You are…

A friend that sticks closer than a brother

The one that does not need me to exist but chose me

The one that is worthy of my praise

The one that never fails

The one that never sleeps nor slumbers

The one that says No weapon formed against me shall prosper

 

You are…

The Father, Son and Holy Spirit

The Lion of Judah

The Lamb of God

The Rose of Sharon

The Lily of the Valley

The Bright and Morning Star

 

You are…

A jealous God

A Righteous God

The wheel in the middle of the wheel

The Holy One

 

You are…

The one that calls me beautiful

The one that calls me a daughter of the King

The one that says I am worth it

The one that is just a breath away

The one who comes to my rescue, My Hero

 

You are…

That says I am an overcomer

That calls me more than a conqueror

My Healer

My deliverer

 

You are…

My God

My Everlasting Father

My Savior

My everything

My All in All

 

YES, YOU ARE!!!

THE ROSE

 

A rose in the middle of a desert

Where did she come from?

How did she get here?

What keeps her going?

People look & say “she is out of place”

Why is she here?

Others see one lonely rose

But You…

You see life in the middle of death

You see a candle in the dark

You see the rose you formed

You look on her with the utmost love

 

She asks you, “why did you place me here?”

I feel alone

There is nothing here

Struggling with who I am

I don’t understand

 

Then she hears His soft voice

As gently as dew touches the rose

He shows her a “different” view

Through the eyes of her maker

She sees herself

What He sees is LOVE

Love that was needed in this dead dry place

Kindness that only she could bring

Tender heart that only she possessed

She was created by Him for this place

A place where there was no life

He simply planted His LOVE

 

One single rose was enough

Others may think she is not

Even she struggles with the thought

But He knows

In Him, she is enough

 

His love within her

Strong

Able to grow

Even when death surrounds her

 

She understands a bit more now

Not completely, not yet

 

Her questions & confusion subsided

Her faith stronger

Peace in her heart

A smile

 

The world sees…

Small

Insignificance

Not important

Not that pretty

Will not last

 

That is just the first glance

But something catches their eye

 

She looks up at the sunrise

She greets her creator

He reaches down

Kisses her head with the dew of the morning

Causing her to beam

 

They see “her” now

The small insignificant thing before?

She is gone

Now they see a fully bloomed rose

Something of amazing beauty

 

The end of her story?

Not by a long shot

Just wait & see

There’s more, lots more!

REFLECTIONS

As we near the end of 2024, I look back and reflect.  

This year has been full of firsts, those things we thought we would never do and the inevitable "how in the world did I get here?" Of course, you also have the list of things that you planned to do but it never happened. The latter is probably the worst for me. As a woman, I have this list in my head of things I absolutely NEED to get done. Some how, I have come to the end of this year with several items on that list NOT done. That is definitely so frustrating to me. 

There are several things that I have gone to God and asked him to make a way or to provide me with the means to get this or that done. Nope, didn't happen! I have to be honest, there is a part of me that has mixed emotions, sad, disappointed & down right mad. 

ECCLESIASTES 3:1 AMP - To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven

God has reminded me several times lately that all things are in His time. Most definitely we can work it ourselves and force it to happen, but in those cases, it will not be successful. I must just keep praying & wait on Him. As disappointed as I am, His timing is perfect and the blessings will flow if we allow Him to take control. 

At the same time, I see others that are successful in the same area, which causes me to feel as if God has somehow overlooked me. Why can't that happen to me? The initial thought just racing through my brain. 

Somehow, things just don't ever work out like I planned. If I will pay close attention, what does all of the last few thoughts have in common? The words I and me. This causes me to look back at the times I have prayed for God's will to be done, then at the same time, I get impatient and frustrated when it does not happen. I mean really???

One day, maybe, I can get a better grasp on this. Learn to wait patiently on Him. As I am waiting, keep the promise in my heart that He sees me, He hears me and has not forgotten me. He will finish that which He has started in me. 

PHILIPPIANS 1:6 AMP - And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ (right up to the time of His return) and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you. 

WAIT…

 

ISAIAH 40:31 AMP – But those who wait for the LORD (who expect, look for, and hope in Him) will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift up their wings (and rise up close to God) like eagles (rising toward the sun); They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired.

So, what does it mean to “wait for the Lord?”

If you are anything like me, patience is NOT one of your strengths & most certainly at the top of the weaknesses list. It is something that I most certainly have to work on daily.

If you break this verse down & read it from the Amplified version, it gives a bit more clarity on what God means by “waiting on the Lord.” See the phrase in parentheses directly after the word Lord? The Amplified version breaks down words & phrases to give us a better understanding. Here the word WAIT mean to EXPECT, LOOK FOR AND HOPE IN. The question I have asked myself & I hope you will ask yourself is, “When I am waiting on the Lord, am I expecting His answer, am I looking for His answer and am I hoping in His answer?

HEBREWS 11:1 AMP – Now faith is the assurance (title deed, confirmation) of things hoped for (divinely guaranteed), and the evidence of things not seen (the conviction of their realty-faith comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical senses).

Now, here is a scripture that is a mouthful. What I want to point out here is the phrase HOPED FOR. Right next to the phrase, the Amplified gives you a better definition of this word. In our own minds on a daily basis we say things like, “well I hope so” OR “I really hope it gets better soon.” In this verse the word HOPE does not mean what we loosely speak every day. It means that whatever we are hoping for is DIVINELY GUARANTEED. That is more than just an “I hope so.” That is a “most certainly, positively, absolutely will!”

The issue is that we have the wrong mindset when it comes to waiting on God. We no longer need to have this wringing of the hands, pacing the floor, anxiety about waiting on God.

First of all, we need to get in His word and find out what it says about our situation. Find a scripture that applies to you & your situation. If you struggle to find the right one, ISAIAH 40:31 is perfect for any situation. Then we need to pray & quote that scripture out loud. The more we read the word out loud to ourselves, it gets down in our spirit & causes our faith to increase.

We must learn to have an EXPECTATION when it comes to waiting on God. Expecting Him to answer us, looking for His answer to come any minute now & knowing that there is a definite guarantee that God will come through. No questions, no doubt, no confusion, because those are from the enemy. Satan’s main desire is to distract you from God’s plan for your life. Part of God’s plan is for you to be strong in your faith in Him.

Yes, I realize this is easier said than done. Trust me, I know this all too well. There have been situations that I have gone through that were so difficult that I could barely breath much less pray. But somehow, I found the strength & prayed. The more that I prayed & read His word, the stronger I felt each time. This process can take time but if we don’t give up & keep going, we will come out on the other side much stronger than when we went in.

I challenge you today, to pray & ask God to change your mindset. Change your way of thinking, change your outlook on your situation. Ask Him to help you see your circumstances through His eyes. To the point that when you are in that “waiting on the Lord” time in your life, you will no longer wait in the midst of anxiety & fear but you will wait in EXPECTATION of that God is about to do in your life

Remember, God has NOT forgotten you or your difficult situation. He already has a plan & had that plan before the problem ever came about. I GUARANTEE you, He will provide the answer & you will be blessed in the process.

FREE

 

This feeling

Took a while to get here

To dig out from under the mental wreckage

Destruction caused by Fear, Anxiety and Depression

Trying to crush my mind and spirit

Surrounding me

Day of so much darkness

Days of doubt

Days of confusion

 

I remember that day

That day of utter blackness and evil

Spiritually, I lay there curled up as an infant

Afraid to move

Afraid of the pain

That was already too much

 

So many days that are just gone

No memory of those days

No memory of my actions

Just a blur of fear & pain

 

But that day

In the midst of the shadows that surrounded me

In the midst of the dark cloud that hung overhead

The feeling of severe cold

The cold of abandonment

The chasing thoughts and questions

Mind racing with doubts

That day

You helped me to stand and walk out

 

I walked out of that dark cave that day

You met me in the middle of my pain

You lifted me up with your strong right arm

You held me

You loved me

You restored my hope

You showed me the door

The door to my freedom

 

Trembling, I approached it

Still feeling the evil around me

Filling my mind with doubts

Trying to convince me that I couldn’t

That I was a failure

That I should be ashamed

 

But in the middle of the enemy’s shouting

I heard your whisper

A whisper that was unmistakable

Reminding me that I was surrounded

Not by the enemy

But I was surrounded by you

I was surrounded by your love

Surrounded by your truth

Truth that says, you will never abandon me

That you are greater than the fear

Greater than the anxiety

Even greater than the depression

Reminding me who my enemy really was

Reminding me that he is a liar

Reminding me that you cover me with songs of deliverance

 

After being bound up for so long

Unable to stand on my own

Unable to walk out on my own

I felt your hand holding me

With trembling knees, I stood

Feeling the fresh wind of your spirit

I could breathe again

I took a shaky step forward

Then I realize, that was all I needed to do

Just one step forward

 

You didn’t require me to run

Didn’t ask for a list of requirements

All you needed from me was just one step

One step out of the shadows

One step out of the lies

One step toward your truth

 

In that one step, something changed

The fear that had controlled my mind

The anxiety that overwhelmed me

The depression that was paralyzing

The shivering cold of evil

It was gone

Replaced with your peace

A peace that passes all understanding

 

It was in that moment

As I took that trembling step

Through a door that had been so far out of reach

I could no longer hear the lies and the taunting

Only one voice that I heard at that moment

 

I heard you whisper so lovingly

As only a father will do

MY DAUGHTER, YOU ARE FREE!

 

 

 

MY FATHERS HANDS

 

My Father’s Hands,

They have held me, every step of the way

As a child, they taught me

At times they disciplined me

But they’ve ALWAYS loved me

 

My Father’s Hands,

They have wiped away my tears

They have cradled me when my heart was broken

Hands that have showed me a better way

Hands that calmed my fears

 

My Father’s Hands,

There is a difference in these hands

So much stronger

More loving & caring

So much more than my earthly father

 

My Father’s Hands,

I feel them around me

I feel them holding me

Times when I am unsure

Times when life is so hard

 

My Father’s Hands,

You remind me that on the days when I can’t feel you with me

You have never left me or forsaken me

You have reminded me that no one can love me more

No one else has hands like yours

 

My Father’s Hands,

They held on to me when the darkness surrounded me

Never let go even through my screams

Never stopped loving me even when I doubted

Even when I questioned you

 

My Father’s Hands,

Now I can walk in hope & confidence

I can hold my head high

Regardless of the evil around me

Even in the midst of the lies from my enemy

Lies telling me that I will never be enough

Just like a child who can no longer hold in the secret, I giggle

A secret that I will shout for all to hear

By My Father’s Hands the enemy is defeated

By My Father’s Hands I am more than a conqueror

 

 

 

 

 

 

AS A CHILD

 

I long for you to come to me as a child

I long for the innocence & honesty in you

The list & agenda is not as important

We are in a relationship and I wish to communicate with you

Come to me as your ABBA FATHER

A child has the mindset that there is nothing that their father cannot do

 

GALATIANS 4:6 – And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba Father!”

ROMANS 8:15 – For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba Father.”

FEAR

 

Silence

A deadly silence

A spiritual cancer

Slowly growing

Choking out life

Taking your breath

Stealing peace

 

Lies

Nothing but lies

Slowly feeding me lies

I start to believe them

I forget the truth

 

A thief

Stealing my joy

My sound mind

My heart

My soul

 

I am consumed

I can’t get passed it

Can’t get over it

Can’t forget

I am lost in it

The truth that I once held dear

Where did it go

Why has it left me

I feel alone

 

Feeling out of control now

Can’t fight it any longer

Can’t pretend that I am ok

Can’t fake it anymore

 

I cry out in desperation

I cry to you

Why did I wait so long

Until I am overwhelmed

 

You hear my cries

You see my tears

You are already there

You were the entire time

Just waiting

Waiting for me to call

 

You remind me of your truth

You remind me that you are so much more

That I am so much more in you

 

You remind me of something else

Something that I already knew

But for a moment, forgot

All that I needed to get out from under the weight

To walk away

To live free

Everything was found in you

 

A gift that you gave me from the beginning

All I had to do was receive it

A gift that it caused me to forget about

A gift so great and powerful

 

Your love

Your unconditional, limitless love

Casts out ALL fear

 

I now lay it all down

I submit to your river of grace

Washing over me

Washing all of the fear away

 

I know now

Through all of this

I had to experience it

I needed to sense it

To smell it

To hear it

 

Cause it will be back

Oh yes, it will

It is part of this crazy life

 

But now…

Now there is a difference

I have seen it

I have heard its lies

I know what it is

 

This time…

I am prepared

I have the armor

I have the truth

 

I will…

No longer believe the lies

No longer allow it to consume me

 

Because of HIM…

I am an overcomer

I am more than a conqueror

 

I know…

Who I am

And whose I am

Who holds me

And who surrounds me

THAT IS ALL THAT I NEED TO KNOW

I AM

 

Let me introduce myself to you

 

I am the Creator

I created all things

All life was and is created by me

I was there before the beginning of time

I am the beginning and the end

I am the everlasting Father

 

I created you

I saw a need for YOU to be

I saw how others would be blessed from your existence

I formed you in your mothers womb

I breathed life into you

I gave you your first heartbeat

I smiled the day you were born

To me you were perfect

 

I was there when you took your first step

Your first day of Kindergarten

That horrible fall on your bike, I was there

Driving your first car

When you wrecked your first car

Your first date

Your wedding day

The day your first child was born

I was there for it all

 

You know the times that you feel all alone

Then suddenly you get a text or call from friend

That was me, I saw your heart

 

The times when life got to be way more than you could handle

Then all of a sudden, things turned around

That was also me, I saw that need

 

That time mom was so sick & your heart was broken in fear

Then the next morning she pulled through

That was me, I knew you needed her for a bit longer

 

That day you were telling a coworker how lucky you were

You were almost in a car accident

That wasn’t luck, that was me

 

When your first child was born

Your looked in his big blue eyes for the first time

The love you felt at that very moment, that was me

 

When you had a thought of ending your life

You were so confused & distraught

It literally would have only taken one step

Then something caused you to walk away from the edge

That wasn’t just something, that was me

 

I have been with you from the beginning

I have been waiting for you

Waiting for you to realize your need for ME

To realize that without ME there is nothing

 

I am that still small voice

I am that breath of fresh air

I am that gorgeous sunset that you stopped to see for the first time

I am the bird that sits outside your window each morning to sing his perfect song

I am the rainbow that made you smile yesterday

I am the laughter of a small child that is so contagious

I am the tears of joy you cry when your son comes home

 

I am in everything AND I see everything

 

I see your tears

I see your times of anger

I see your days of depression

I see the bad choices

I also see the good ones

I saw your selfishness

I also saw your act of kindness

I see the times you doubt yourself

The times you feel you are not enough

I see the regrets

I see your heart

I SEE YOU

 

To me you are my absolute beautiful creation

There is no one like you

You my son & daughter, are not a mistake

I have loved you with an everlasting love

I have loved you with a love that is so complete

A love that is so vast & limitless

It is beyond comprehension

 

As a father desires to give good gifts to his children

So, I desire to give to you

There is nothing that I won’t do for you

I have sacrificed everything for you

My desire for you was so strong that I made the utmost sacrifice

I gave my only Son to DIE for you

Through His death, I have offered you so much

Unconditional love

Grace

Mercy

Forgiveness

 

All that you need is found in ME

No one else but ME

 

I am the one who makes your crooked paths straight

I am the one who heals your diseases

I am the one rights your wrongs

I am the one luminates your darkness

I am the one who brings life to your barrenness

 

I am the one who took a cross intended for death & destruction & finality & caused it to bring life and healing forever

I am the one who protects you from the enemy’s assignments & agendas for your life

I am the one who silences the voice of the enemy in your life

I am the one who will never leave you nor forsake you

 

I am the one true God

I have always been and always will be

I AM!!!

I REMEMBER YOU

 If you have read my blogs before then you know that I have shared a few pieces of poetry in the past. 

I have decided to start writing again. I thought I would share my first one with you today.

Hope it touches your heart.

I remember you

That feeling

That cold chill

That tension

 

Last time, a nightmare

You came in like a flood

Not welcomed

Not wanted

 

This time, not the same

You crept in

You stalked me

Waiting for another moment

Another opportunity

 

I will never forget

The pain

The anxiety

The fear

The sorrow

The tears

Man, all those tears

I was a newby last time

Uncharted territory for me

You knew that

You were counting on that

But in the end…

 

So, you think this time

Will it go your way?

Will I be a notch on your belt?

 

You knew that I heard you

I felt you coming

I felt you creaping

But here you are still

 

I see you’re still the same

Total darkness

Lies

Anguish

Fear

Loneliness

Nothing has changed about you

 

Did you notice?

I am NOT the same!

This time, I am wiser

I am stronger

 

This time, I know WHO I am

I know WHOSE I am

I recognize your lies

But, I have truth behind me

 

This time, I will not open that door

I will not allow you in

 

I know, you won’t leave

I know, you will still keep trying

I know, you won’t give up

Trying to bring me down

 

That’s fine

You can keep on

But this time

You only serve as a memory

As a reminder to me

Of where I have been

And where I am now

Reminding me of the one who kept me

The one who did not fail me

The one who never left me

THE ONE

 

Yeah, HE is the only one welcome here

Not you depression, NOT YOU!

I REFUSE!!!

 All to often, unpleasant circumstances come our way & we just accept it & call it a test or trial. In all honesty, it could be a couple of different things. 

It could be the result of bad decisions that we have made. It is a part of life, there are always consequences for mistakes. 

GALATIANS 6:7 ESV -  Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows that will he also reap.

Other times, it could be the enemy, Satan, attacking us. His tactics are not new, they are the same since the beginning of time. 

Regardless of the reason, we must get into the habit of seeking God in every single circumstance, good bad or ugly.  Sometimes, we just have no idea why something is happening to us. That requires God's wisdom, we are just not spiritually discerning enough to figure these things out. During a season of difficulty in your life, seek God with humility. Ask for forgiveness of anything you may have done. Ask for wisdom & discernment. This is not something that comes instantly, it only comes if we continue to seek God.

Discernment - the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure

Philippians 1:9 ESV - And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more with knowledge and all discernment. 

Sometimes we will go through situations & never know the real reason why. This does not need to discourage us or cause us to be mad at God for "allowing this to happen". 

Matthew 5:45 ESV - so that you may be son of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun to rise on the evil and on the good and sends rain on the just and the unjust. 

We do not need to blame God for every bad thing that comes down the pipe. 

One thing, I have learned, especially over the last two very difficult years, is that regardless of how bad it may be, I refuse to accept that this extremely difficult season is just a part of life, just another day, oh well. 

Jermiah 29:11 AMP - For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 

God's desire is for us to be at peace. He does NOT desire disaster for us. My father's love for me is unfathomable, more than I can even imagine. This love & the knowledge of Jeremiah 29:11 increases my faith & gives me the strength that I need to keep praying, keep moving, keep reading his word, regardless of how bad it may get. I refuse to sit & wallow is self-pity & wonder "HOW AM I GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS." It is not up to me to figure this out. I will pray & keep on praying with earnestness & humility & standing on his word, knowing that it is true, and let My God, in his infinite wisdom figure this situation out for me.  

Psalm 34:15 ESV - the eyes of the Lord is toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.

Yes, He hears every single prayer & sees every single tear & hears every time we cry out to Him for help. 

Isaiah 55:11 AMP - So will My word be which goes out of My mouth; It will not return to be void (useless, without result), without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it. 

When we pray & read his word, we must stand on his promises & speak his word out loud. That is where faith is built up & the enemy is defeated. But if we choose to speak in a defeated and negative manner our faith is defeated & the enemy is built up. 

Proverbs 18:21 AMP - Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words. 

So my sister, make a choice today to no longer allow the enemy to win.  Whether you are in good times or bad, pray and speak God's word out loud, & let the enemy know his place, UNDER YOUR FEET!!

Luke 10:19 ESV - Behold, I have given you authority to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you

GOD IS...

 Hello again my friends!!

This past year has been an absolute crazy mess. Some of you may have noticed that I have not posted here in a long while. The enemy came in like a flood this past year, to keep us down & prevent us from doing the things that God has called us to do.

BUT NO MORE!

God has delivered us from a multitude of things & only HE is to be given the glory. He has made us stronger & wiser. 

It just goes to show you that you are never too old to learn. Even at my young age of 50, God is still teaching me so much. I have learned intimacy with Him on an entire new level. He is a jealous God and wants to be first above ALL else. 

Deuteronomy 4:24 AMP - For the Lord your God is a consumer fire; He is a jealous (impassioned) God {demanding what is rightfully and uniquely His}.

I also experienced darkness like never before. I went through a period of depression & anxiety like I have never known before. Out of the midst of that darkness, God gave me so much revelation about myself, my past & some of my future. The enemy's intention was my destruction, but God turned it all around.

Genesis 50:20 NIV - you intended to harm me, but GOD intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

In the process of all of this He gave me instructions on writing a book about my life. It is in a different format than what you may be used to seeing & God has not given me the go ahead to get it published. I do know this, He imparted great wisdom to me during those dark & lonely days. He also caused me to write down all of the "issues" that I still retained from my past. Some things I literally had no idea were even issues. Let me tell you right now, that was the best therapy around. 

God is doing some major things in our lives right now. Our only desire is to be HIS and to be used by Him however He sees fit. 

So, I ask of you to keep my husband & myself in your prayers as we move forward on the path God has laid out for us.

I will go back to posting here on a regular basis. As I have mentioned before, if you have any comments, questions or prayer requests please reach out & let me know.

Love you all!

QUESTIONS

Another story from my past

This one was during a seriously questionable time in my life. Due to the series of events up until this point, I was literally clinging to whatever attention I could get, up to a certain point. 

Some of you know this more than others, but abuse comes in several forms. 

Regardless of which direction it comes, the bottom line is the same, you do not have to stay & put up with it.  That is definitely NOT part of God's plan for you. 

What they meant for evil, God intended for my good... Genesis 50:20

Met him through a friend

He seemed so nice

He seemed so polite

A gentleman even

Had no idea what was to come

 

Only lasted 5 months

5 months of hell

I tried so hard to please

To be what he wanted

Had no idea how much he wanted

 

Thought he owned me

I was a piece of property

His for the taking

His for the abusing

Whichever he decided at the moment

 

So lonely as a teenager

Just wanted love

But at what price?

 

Abuse was known to me already

A couple times before this

But why?

What was so wrong with me?

 

Mama’s words came back to me

Reminding me to not settle

Teaching me to stand

Not be a doormat

But also, to BE CAREFUL!

 

He chose verbal abuse instead

My words were judged

My looks were judged

My actions were judged

I was stalked

He had “people” watching me

 

His ultimate goal

To land me

To add me as a knotch

A trophy to parade around

 

I was different though

Craved attention?

YES

Was willing to do anything?

NO

 

Self respect, mama taught me that

Sassiness & Stubbornness, got that from Dad

For his abuse, I gave him a bit of my Dad

Just enough to piss him off

Especially when he was not allowed to “take” from me

That part I refused

 

Time went on, hopelessness increased

So overwhelming, I couldn’t get out

 

Huge fight one night

Down to the spill way we went

To calm down I guess

No words were spoken

 

I walked alone, over to the railing

Look down thinking…

It would be so easy now

so easy to end all of this

I put one foot over

About to put another

Then I heard it

A voice scream NO!!!

I looked around

I realized it was not him

There was NO ONE around

Then for some reason I looked up

I immediately knew

I knew where it came from

My creator, my savior

He loved me enough

He stopped me in my tracks

 

We broke up after that

Heartbroken?

YES

Did I stay that way?

NO

 

He tried to steal more than just physical from me

He tried to steal my self worth

My self respect

My individuality

My Independence

 

Stubborn?

YES

Sassy?

YES

HE created me this way

HE knew that I would need it

Need it to not give in

Need it to not give up

Need it to come to a realization

I was worth more,  A LOT MORE

INNOCENCE STOLEN

As I mentioned in my last post, through quite a bit of harship over the last year, I started writing. These poems are based on real life experiences all throughout my life

This one in particular is a bit heavy. This was during a very trying time in my life.

These are not meant to be a debbie downer but an encouragement instead. Basically, regardless of how difficult life may be, there is only ONE that will never leave you. Only one you can depend on.

Too young and naive at 13

Sheltered home life

No idea this could happen to me

Innocent or did I cause this?

 

Church was my life

Only child, very few friends

Wanted to be liked & loved

Wanted to be included

 

He was the leader

He was a nice man

Or so I thought

No idea what was underneath

 

Youth outing, fun day

I was safe, right?

I am at church after all

End of the day, need a ride

 

Everyone is gone but him

He offers, She agrees it’s ok

Still safe, right?

 

On the ride home things change

He’s talking, conversation, distraction

Then his hand goes there

It stays there back and forth

 

I am confused, no idea what is going on

I know this is wrong, I try to stop him

Why me?  Why him?

Can’t understand

Did I do something wrong?

 

I tell her what happened

She is upset, but tells no one

He acts like nothing happened

I withdraw deep within

 

Time goes by, news about other girls

He is gone now

Everyone now knows I was one of them

Embarrassed, still confused

 

At prayer group one night

She makes a prayer request

For me, because of him

Now more embarrassment & more confusion

 

I’m grown now and You helped me

Helped me to forgive

Forgive him, her and myself

Helped me to let go of the anger & darkness

Healing starts

 

 

 

From time to time, I remember

Still remember the hurt he caused

The hole in my heart

Even remembering is painful

 

I was innocent

But he took that away

He stole that from me

I will never get that part of me back

 

That little girl is gone

But because of you, I am made new

You understood

You did not shame me, like others did

You did not pity me

You just loved me

Helped me to love myself again

 

Your love

No more confusion

No more embarrassment

No more anger

No more darkness

No more questions

Just my story

HEARTBREAK

Unwanted guest stops by today

Out of the blue

I should be used to this by now

Each time, the hurt just amazes me

Each tear hurts more than the last

You heard my cries

 

Unwanted guest stops by today

This one took my breath away

Can’t talk, even hurts to think

Questions, don’t understand

You felt my pain

 

Unwanted guest stops by today

Anger this time!

Only one word, WHY?

Hurt & pain are my new friends

You understand my questions

 

Unwanted guest stops by today

It’s been a while but can’t forget

Wounds turn to scars

Still hurts like it was brand new

You see me

 

Once again the tears come

I sit in silence

Hearing only my long deep sighs

I know it will return again

Cannot be avoided

Each time ends the same way

Tears dry as I feel your presence

Surrounding me with your love

No words needed here

You know my heart

I have felt yours

Because of this, I can stand

 

One day, someday soon

The hurt will be replaced with joy

The tears will be happy tears

Our prayer will be answered

 

Until then, I learn to let you hold me

 

TEMPORARY OR PERMANENT?

 

PSALM 22:3 AMPC – But You are holy, O You who dwell in [the holy place where] the praises of Israel [are offered].

PSALM 22:3 KJV – but thou are holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.

I have heard this verse all of my life, God inhabits the praises of His people. Just recently this verse came to my mind & the word “inhabit” stuck out to me. The Amplified version says dwell in. So I did a bit of research just to gain a greater understanding of this verse.

The word inhabit means – live in or occupy.

The word dwell means – to live or stay as a permanent resident; reside

Now we are taught at a young age that when we are saved, God is living inside of us. As adults we realize this means His spirit lives within us continually. Since the Trinity (Father, Son & Holy Spirit) are three in one, this means that God in the spirit dwells inside of me.

As Christians, God dwells within us, but do you take the time to invite Him into EVERY aspect of your life? God is a gentleman and will never go where He is not invited or welcomed. He will never force himself on anyone.

You may not realize it but your time of prayer and devotion is a form of worship but it is not quite the level of actual praise and worship. This can be in the form of worship songs, like you would sing in church, or taking your favorite verse of the bible and putting it to song. Or simply just expressing to God just how much He means to you.

When we take the time, outside of normal prayer and devotion time, to truly worship God, you are taking the time to acknowledge and adore Him just for who He is. That is going above and beyond the day in day out norm. Now your consistent prayer and devotional time is extremely important. The Bible calls the word His bread. We definitely need spiritual food to keep going.

For example, the individuals that you live at home with, your spouse, kids, parents, siblings etc. Do you take the time, every now and again, to let them know how much they really mean to you? If you never did that person might begin to wonder if you really loved them. Now if you are living with a roommate for a temporary amount of time, then you would not take as much stock in that relationship because that is not quite the same level. But with God, He is a permanent resident in our lives, and we must take the time to acknowledge Him and all that He has done for us and let Him know how much we love Him.

Our Heavenly Father longs to hear from your heart. He wants more than our so-called grocery list of things we want from Him. Take the time today to simply just LOVE ON HIM.

WALKING IN QUICKSAND

 

Ephesians 3:20 AMP – Now to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us.

I have recently had something pop up in my life that has been an enormous struggle for me. It is not the first time this issue has come up, but I have literally just felt as if I was walking in quicksand.

Through the last few weeks, I have been praying & trying my best to give it all to Him & have faith, but I don’t think I have been doing a very good job. I have just been going through the motions trying to convince myself that it would be ok & an answer was right around the corner. Well, that corner has not yet come around.

The enemy has tried his very best to keep me in a fog to the point that I could not see past the point of my own “storm”.  The enemy wants to distract me from where I should be focused right now.

JOHN 10:10 AMP – The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows]

After receiving a very timely message from a friend, I felt God speak to me that all I had been doing was just trying to survive & get by. God does not want me to just get by. He has bigger & better things in store for me than I could ever imagine. Like John 10:10 says “to the full, till it overflows”.

That is quite literally God’s desire for us is to live our life in abundance until it overflows to others. That is the entire purpose here. We must be living our lives to the point that it does affect others.

JEREMIAH 29:11 AMP – For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you, say the Lord, plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

I also realized that I was thinking & praying way too small. God is in the little things, yes, but His desire is for us to thrive not just to get by. That is thinking way too small. We must think, pray & live much bigger. There is nothing that my God cannot handle. There is no prayer too big!!

LUKE 1:37 AMP – For with God nothing [is or ever] shall be impossible

STUBBORN FAITH

 1 THESSALONIANS 5:17-18 AMP – be unceasing and persistent in prayer in every situation [no matter what the circumstances] be thankful and continually give thanks to God; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. 

    We all go through “stuff” in our lives. Sometimes it comes in just a small inconvenient rain shower & then there are times when it is an all-out hurricane. Regardless of the type of situation you are in at the moment, be sure that you have the mindset of NOT GIVING UP. 

    We have all heard this before. You are going through a tough time & someone says “don’t give up!” But they honestly have no earthly idea what we are going through & how hard this situation really is. I mean how in the world could they say that if they really knew how bad it was, right? 

    I totally understand that thought process but I can say this, that person that is trying to encourage you, may have possibly been through a lot more intense “stuff” than you have so they might be speaking from experience.

    Most of the time we don’t really know what it means to NOT GIVE UP until we have been through a serious hurricane of a situation in our lives. Then & only then can you really truly grasp the meaning of these highlighted verses.

    I have heard people question the meaning behind these verses and ask, why does God want you to keep praying? Did God not hear me the first time? God definitely heard you, everything has to be in His timing. There is also a verse that says our thoughts are not His thoughts & our ways are not His ways (Isaiah 55:8). A lot of times we pray about a situation & do not see results we think God is either mad or is telling us NO. That is not the case at all. His timing is most definitely different than ours. That is where faith comes in. We have to keeping praying about that situation & have faith that God hears us & will work it out in His timing & according to His will. Keep in mind though that we must retain an open heart & mind & pray for HIS will to be done. If we are praying that we want Him to do it our way, we are tying his hands so he cannot work at all.

HEBREWS 11:1 NIV – now faith is the confidence in what we hope for and the assurance about what we do not see 

PSALMS 40:1 NLT - I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry

    We must not give up, back down or stay quiet. We must keep praying, keep pushing forward & remain in faith. We must develop almost a stubborn faith. One that refuses to back up regardless of how hard it gets. Because God will not forsake us & we will make it through.

PSALM 37:25 NIV – I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging for bread

    So yes, it is ok sometimes to be stubborn! Regardless of what the world says or does around us, you will not go under, you will make it 

ISAIAH 40:31 KJV - But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

week 6 - GOD SAYS, “IT’S IN ME!!!

 Colossians 1:15-17 Amplified Bible 

15 He is the exact living image [the essential manifestation] of the unseen God [the visible representation of the invisible], the firstborn [the preeminent one, the sovereign, and the originator] of all creation. 

16 For by Him all things were created in heaven and on earth, [things] visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities; all things were created and exist through Him [that is, by His activity] and for Him. 

17 And He Himself existed and is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. [His is the controlling, cohesive force of the universe.

    After praying for a friend just now God dropped this phrase in my spirit, IT’S IN ME!! I kept hearing this over and over and over in my spirit. Then I searched & found this verse. 

    There is nothing outside of God. He is everything. He was before everything & will remain after everything. He created it ALL. All of it was created by Him and for Him.

    This is when I hear people say, “well if that is true then why did this or that happen?” There is no way that we can answer every question of that nature because there is no way that we can know all of the ins and outs of every situation. There are so many aspects that we cannot see or know about. But God is all knowing & seeing & in all places at once. Just like the friend that I was praying for. She was in a terrible car accident recently. She has asked God that same question, why did this happen to me? She has quite a lot of physical & neurological issues as a result of the accident. As I was praying for her God reminded me of the verse in Genesis 50:20 where Joseph was telling his brothers that what they intended for evil God intended for good in order to bring about this present outcome. The enemy intended to kill my friend that day but God had other plans. As a result, her testimony will go on to reach tons of people that have lost hope because of the lies from the enemy. And God is bringing people into her life & blessing her & her family is ways she could never imagine. 

    We don’t ever know what each day will bring but have faith in God that He knows what is best & will get you through whatever it is. He is our ALL IN ALL. There is nothing that we need that we can find outside of Him. He is it!! There is nothing else that we need

    It is a tremendous freedom that you can feel once you can come to this realization & live by it. Yes, life throws curve balls, yes the enemy is out to kill, steal & destroy but Jesus came that we may have and enjoy life and have it in abundance, John 10:10. 

    There is literally nothing that the enemy can throw your way that God cannot bring you out of. And He will give you the peace to walk it out. 

     Philippians 4:19 Amplified Bible 

19 And my God will liberally supply (fill until full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. 

He knows what we need even before we do. He will supply that need liberally!! 

IT’S ALL IN HIM!!!

WEEK 5 - SHOUT!!!

 PSALMS 32:7 AMPC – YOU ARE A HIDING PLACE FOR ME; YOU, LORD, PREFERVE ME FROM TROUBLE, YOU SURROUND ME WITH SONGS AND SHOUTS OF DELIVERANCE. SELAH (PAUSE, AND CALMLY THINK OF THAT)

 

              This is one of my all-time favorite verses in the Bible and has been for many years. But this time when I read it, I had a whole new outlook on it.

              The Amplified version gives us a bit more info to go off of. One particular juicy tid bit is the part about SONGS AND SHOUTS OF DELIVERANCE. Ok so just now the thought hits me, first of all why does God even need to shout? This is a God who literally speaks things into existence. I imagine He can just point or even think it & it will be done. So, what is the need for shouting here? That is when I looked up the meaning of the word SHOUT

 

SHOUT – verb - (of a person) utter a loud call or cry, typically as an expression of a strong emotion.

 

            We all know that there have been times in our lives where shouting was either necessary or a result of a very intense situation. The reason for our shouting in every day life will be strong emotion, either in anger, deep sorrow, love or extreme joy. For instance, have you ever been in a situation where you loved an individual so intensely that you felt the need to shout to get a point across or to get them to understand you or even to stop doing whatever? Also, have you ever stopped to think about how intense God’s love for us is? He loves us so deeply that it is simply humanly impossible for us to comprehend the vastness & extent of His love for us. So, in this particular verse, I believe that God is shouting because of His great love for us. He is shouting over us resolutions to conflicts, ideas to solve problems, speaking answers to prayers, speaking miracles into our lives or giving orders for his angels to go & protect you from a particular individual or circumstance that we have no control over. Can you imagine the Creator of man & the universe, needing to shout anything? If we could even possibly hear that shout it would probably cause major if not fatal injury due to the intensity. I sit here & imagine Him shouting over me numerous things in my life to the point that His voice is all that I can hear. It drowns out all of the lies, deception & destructiveness that the enemy tries to speak over me. There is absolutely no way that the enemy’s voice can override or silence the voice of my God, my Abba Father.

            So, take heart today, that whatever situation you may be in, God is shouting over you & your life. As a result, you will experience deliverance.

 

Trust in Him today that He loves you enough to NOT be quiet when it comes to you & your life