REFLECTIONS

As we near the end of 2024, I look back and reflect.  

This year has been full of firsts, those things we thought we would never do and the inevitable "how in the world did I get here?" Of course, you also have the list of things that you planned to do but it never happened. The latter is probably the worst for me. As a woman, I have this list in my head of things I absolutely NEED to get done. Some how, I have come to the end of this year with several items on that list NOT done. That is definitely so frustrating to me. 

There are several things that I have gone to God and asked him to make a way or to provide me with the means to get this or that done. Nope, didn't happen! I have to be honest, there is a part of me that has mixed emotions, sad, disappointed & down right mad. 

ECCLESIASTES 3:1 AMP - To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven

God has reminded me several times lately that all things are in His time. Most definitely we can work it ourselves and force it to happen, but in those cases, it will not be successful. I must just keep praying & wait on Him. As disappointed as I am, His timing is perfect and the blessings will flow if we allow Him to take control. 

At the same time, I see others that are successful in the same area, which causes me to feel as if God has somehow overlooked me. Why can't that happen to me? The initial thought just racing through my brain. 

Somehow, things just don't ever work out like I planned. If I will pay close attention, what does all of the last few thoughts have in common? The words I and me. This causes me to look back at the times I have prayed for God's will to be done, then at the same time, I get impatient and frustrated when it does not happen. I mean really???

One day, maybe, I can get a better grasp on this. Learn to wait patiently on Him. As I am waiting, keep the promise in my heart that He sees me, He hears me and has not forgotten me. He will finish that which He has started in me. 

PHILIPPIANS 1:6 AMP - And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ (right up to the time of His return) and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you. 

WAIT…

 

ISAIAH 40:31 AMP – But those who wait for the LORD (who expect, look for, and hope in Him) will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift up their wings (and rise up close to God) like eagles (rising toward the sun); They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired.

So, what does it mean to “wait for the Lord?”

If you are anything like me, patience is NOT one of your strengths & most certainly at the top of the weaknesses list. It is something that I most certainly have to work on daily.

If you break this verse down & read it from the Amplified version, it gives a bit more clarity on what God means by “waiting on the Lord.” See the phrase in parentheses directly after the word Lord? The Amplified version breaks down words & phrases to give us a better understanding. Here the word WAIT mean to EXPECT, LOOK FOR AND HOPE IN. The question I have asked myself & I hope you will ask yourself is, “When I am waiting on the Lord, am I expecting His answer, am I looking for His answer and am I hoping in His answer?

HEBREWS 11:1 AMP – Now faith is the assurance (title deed, confirmation) of things hoped for (divinely guaranteed), and the evidence of things not seen (the conviction of their realty-faith comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical senses).

Now, here is a scripture that is a mouthful. What I want to point out here is the phrase HOPED FOR. Right next to the phrase, the Amplified gives you a better definition of this word. In our own minds on a daily basis we say things like, “well I hope so” OR “I really hope it gets better soon.” In this verse the word HOPE does not mean what we loosely speak every day. It means that whatever we are hoping for is DIVINELY GUARANTEED. That is more than just an “I hope so.” That is a “most certainly, positively, absolutely will!”

The issue is that we have the wrong mindset when it comes to waiting on God. We no longer need to have this wringing of the hands, pacing the floor, anxiety about waiting on God.

First of all, we need to get in His word and find out what it says about our situation. Find a scripture that applies to you & your situation. If you struggle to find the right one, ISAIAH 40:31 is perfect for any situation. Then we need to pray & quote that scripture out loud. The more we read the word out loud to ourselves, it gets down in our spirit & causes our faith to increase.

We must learn to have an EXPECTATION when it comes to waiting on God. Expecting Him to answer us, looking for His answer to come any minute now & knowing that there is a definite guarantee that God will come through. No questions, no doubt, no confusion, because those are from the enemy. Satan’s main desire is to distract you from God’s plan for your life. Part of God’s plan is for you to be strong in your faith in Him.

Yes, I realize this is easier said than done. Trust me, I know this all too well. There have been situations that I have gone through that were so difficult that I could barely breath much less pray. But somehow, I found the strength & prayed. The more that I prayed & read His word, the stronger I felt each time. This process can take time but if we don’t give up & keep going, we will come out on the other side much stronger than when we went in.

I challenge you today, to pray & ask God to change your mindset. Change your way of thinking, change your outlook on your situation. Ask Him to help you see your circumstances through His eyes. To the point that when you are in that “waiting on the Lord” time in your life, you will no longer wait in the midst of anxiety & fear but you will wait in EXPECTATION of that God is about to do in your life

Remember, God has NOT forgotten you or your difficult situation. He already has a plan & had that plan before the problem ever came about. I GUARANTEE you, He will provide the answer & you will be blessed in the process.

FREE

 

This feeling

Took a while to get here

To dig out from under the mental wreckage

Destruction caused by Fear, Anxiety and Depression

Trying to crush my mind and spirit

Surrounding me

Day of so much darkness

Days of doubt

Days of confusion

 

I remember that day

That day of utter blackness and evil

Spiritually, I lay there curled up as an infant

Afraid to move

Afraid of the pain

That was already too much

 

So many days that are just gone

No memory of those days

No memory of my actions

Just a blur of fear & pain

 

But that day

In the midst of the shadows that surrounded me

In the midst of the dark cloud that hung overhead

The feeling of severe cold

The cold of abandonment

The chasing thoughts and questions

Mind racing with doubts

That day

You helped me to stand and walk out

 

I walked out of that dark cave that day

You met me in the middle of my pain

You lifted me up with your strong right arm

You held me

You loved me

You restored my hope

You showed me the door

The door to my freedom

 

Trembling, I approached it

Still feeling the evil around me

Filling my mind with doubts

Trying to convince me that I couldn’t

That I was a failure

That I should be ashamed

 

But in the middle of the enemy’s shouting

I heard your whisper

A whisper that was unmistakable

Reminding me that I was surrounded

Not by the enemy

But I was surrounded by you

I was surrounded by your love

Surrounded by your truth

Truth that says, you will never abandon me

That you are greater than the fear

Greater than the anxiety

Even greater than the depression

Reminding me who my enemy really was

Reminding me that he is a liar

Reminding me that you cover me with songs of deliverance

 

After being bound up for so long

Unable to stand on my own

Unable to walk out on my own

I felt your hand holding me

With trembling knees, I stood

Feeling the fresh wind of your spirit

I could breathe again

I took a shaky step forward

Then I realize, that was all I needed to do

Just one step forward

 

You didn’t require me to run

Didn’t ask for a list of requirements

All you needed from me was just one step

One step out of the shadows

One step out of the lies

One step toward your truth

 

In that one step, something changed

The fear that had controlled my mind

The anxiety that overwhelmed me

The depression that was paralyzing

The shivering cold of evil

It was gone

Replaced with your peace

A peace that passes all understanding

 

It was in that moment

As I took that trembling step

Through a door that had been so far out of reach

I could no longer hear the lies and the taunting

Only one voice that I heard at that moment

 

I heard you whisper so lovingly

As only a father will do

MY DAUGHTER, YOU ARE FREE!

 

 

 

MY FATHERS HANDS

 

My Father’s Hands,

They have held me, every step of the way

As a child, they taught me

At times they disciplined me

But they’ve ALWAYS loved me

 

My Father’s Hands,

They have wiped away my tears

They have cradled me when my heart was broken

Hands that have showed me a better way

Hands that calmed my fears

 

My Father’s Hands,

There is a difference in these hands

So much stronger

More loving & caring

So much more than my earthly father

 

My Father’s Hands,

I feel them around me

I feel them holding me

Times when I am unsure

Times when life is so hard

 

My Father’s Hands,

You remind me that on the days when I can’t feel you with me

You have never left me or forsaken me

You have reminded me that no one can love me more

No one else has hands like yours

 

My Father’s Hands,

They held on to me when the darkness surrounded me

Never let go even through my screams

Never stopped loving me even when I doubted

Even when I questioned you

 

My Father’s Hands,

Now I can walk in hope & confidence

I can hold my head high

Regardless of the evil around me

Even in the midst of the lies from my enemy

Lies telling me that I will never be enough

Just like a child who can no longer hold in the secret, I giggle

A secret that I will shout for all to hear

By My Father’s Hands the enemy is defeated

By My Father’s Hands I am more than a conqueror

 

 

 

 

 

 

AS A CHILD

 

I long for you to come to me as a child

I long for the innocence & honesty in you

The list & agenda is not as important

We are in a relationship and I wish to communicate with you

Come to me as your ABBA FATHER

A child has the mindset that there is nothing that their father cannot do

 

GALATIANS 4:6 – And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba Father!”

ROMANS 8:15 – For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba Father.”

FEAR

 

Silence

A deadly silence

A spiritual cancer

Slowly growing

Choking out life

Taking your breath

Stealing peace

 

Lies

Nothing but lies

Slowly feeding me lies

I start to believe them

I forget the truth

 

A thief

Stealing my joy

My sound mind

My heart

My soul

 

I am consumed

I can’t get passed it

Can’t get over it

Can’t forget

I am lost in it

The truth that I once held dear

Where did it go

Why has it left me

I feel alone

 

Feeling out of control now

Can’t fight it any longer

Can’t pretend that I am ok

Can’t fake it anymore

 

I cry out in desperation

I cry to you

Why did I wait so long

Until I am overwhelmed

 

You hear my cries

You see my tears

You are already there

You were the entire time

Just waiting

Waiting for me to call

 

You remind me of your truth

You remind me that you are so much more

That I am so much more in you

 

You remind me of something else

Something that I already knew

But for a moment, forgot

All that I needed to get out from under the weight

To walk away

To live free

Everything was found in you

 

A gift that you gave me from the beginning

All I had to do was receive it

A gift that it caused me to forget about

A gift so great and powerful

 

Your love

Your unconditional, limitless love

Casts out ALL fear

 

I now lay it all down

I submit to your river of grace

Washing over me

Washing all of the fear away

 

I know now

Through all of this

I had to experience it

I needed to sense it

To smell it

To hear it

 

Cause it will be back

Oh yes, it will

It is part of this crazy life

 

But now…

Now there is a difference

I have seen it

I have heard its lies

I know what it is

 

This time…

I am prepared

I have the armor

I have the truth

 

I will…

No longer believe the lies

No longer allow it to consume me

 

Because of HIM…

I am an overcomer

I am more than a conqueror

 

I know…

Who I am

And whose I am

Who holds me

And who surrounds me

THAT IS ALL THAT I NEED TO KNOW

I AM

 

Let me introduce myself to you

 

I am the Creator

I created all things

All life was and is created by me

I was there before the beginning of time

I am the beginning and the end

I am the everlasting Father

 

I created you

I saw a need for YOU to be

I saw how others would be blessed from your existence

I formed you in your mothers womb

I breathed life into you

I gave you your first heartbeat

I smiled the day you were born

To me you were perfect

 

I was there when you took your first step

Your first day of Kindergarten

That horrible fall on your bike, I was there

Driving your first car

When you wrecked your first car

Your first date

Your wedding day

The day your first child was born

I was there for it all

 

You know the times that you feel all alone

Then suddenly you get a text or call from friend

That was me, I saw your heart

 

The times when life got to be way more than you could handle

Then all of a sudden, things turned around

That was also me, I saw that need

 

That time mom was so sick & your heart was broken in fear

Then the next morning she pulled through

That was me, I knew you needed her for a bit longer

 

That day you were telling a coworker how lucky you were

You were almost in a car accident

That wasn’t luck, that was me

 

When your first child was born

Your looked in his big blue eyes for the first time

The love you felt at that very moment, that was me

 

When you had a thought of ending your life

You were so confused & distraught

It literally would have only taken one step

Then something caused you to walk away from the edge

That wasn’t just something, that was me

 

I have been with you from the beginning

I have been waiting for you

Waiting for you to realize your need for ME

To realize that without ME there is nothing

 

I am that still small voice

I am that breath of fresh air

I am that gorgeous sunset that you stopped to see for the first time

I am the bird that sits outside your window each morning to sing his perfect song

I am the rainbow that made you smile yesterday

I am the laughter of a small child that is so contagious

I am the tears of joy you cry when your son comes home

 

I am in everything AND I see everything

 

I see your tears

I see your times of anger

I see your days of depression

I see the bad choices

I also see the good ones

I saw your selfishness

I also saw your act of kindness

I see the times you doubt yourself

The times you feel you are not enough

I see the regrets

I see your heart

I SEE YOU

 

To me you are my absolute beautiful creation

There is no one like you

You my son & daughter, are not a mistake

I have loved you with an everlasting love

I have loved you with a love that is so complete

A love that is so vast & limitless

It is beyond comprehension

 

As a father desires to give good gifts to his children

So, I desire to give to you

There is nothing that I won’t do for you

I have sacrificed everything for you

My desire for you was so strong that I made the utmost sacrifice

I gave my only Son to DIE for you

Through His death, I have offered you so much

Unconditional love

Grace

Mercy

Forgiveness

 

All that you need is found in ME

No one else but ME

 

I am the one who makes your crooked paths straight

I am the one who heals your diseases

I am the one rights your wrongs

I am the one luminates your darkness

I am the one who brings life to your barrenness

 

I am the one who took a cross intended for death & destruction & finality & caused it to bring life and healing forever

I am the one who protects you from the enemy’s assignments & agendas for your life

I am the one who silences the voice of the enemy in your life

I am the one who will never leave you nor forsake you

 

I am the one true God

I have always been and always will be

I AM!!!