This feeling
Took a while to get here
To dig out from under the mental wreckage
Destruction caused by Fear, Anxiety and Depression
Trying to crush my mind and spirit
Surrounding me
Day of so much darkness
Days of doubt
Days of confusion
I remember that day
That day of utter blackness and evil
Spiritually, I lay there curled up as an infant
Afraid to move
Afraid of the pain
That was already too much
So many days that are just gone
No memory of those days
No memory of my actions
Just a blur of fear & pain
But that day
In the midst of the shadows that surrounded me
In the midst of the dark cloud that hung overhead
The feeling of severe cold
The cold of abandonment
The chasing thoughts and questions
Mind racing with doubts
That day
You helped me to stand and walk out
I walked out of that dark cave that day
You met me in the middle of my pain
You lifted me up with your strong right arm
You held me
You loved me
You restored my hope
You showed me the door
The door to my freedom
Trembling, I approached it
Still feeling the evil around me
Filling my mind with doubts
Trying to convince me that I couldn’t
That I was a failure
That I should be ashamed
But in the middle of the enemy’s shouting
I heard your whisper
A whisper that was unmistakable
Reminding me that I was surrounded
Not by the enemy
But I was surrounded by you
I was surrounded by your love
Surrounded by your truth
Truth that says, you will never abandon me
That you are greater than the fear
Greater than the anxiety
Even greater than the depression
Reminding me who my enemy really was
Reminding me that he is a liar
Reminding me that you cover me with songs of deliverance
After being bound up for so long
Unable to stand on my own
Unable to walk out on my own
I felt your hand holding me
With trembling knees, I stood
Feeling the fresh wind of your spirit
I could breathe again
I took a shaky step forward
Then I realize, that was all I needed to do
Just one step forward
You didn’t require me to run
Didn’t ask for a list of requirements
All you needed from me was just one step
One step out of the shadows
One step out of the lies
One step toward your truth
In that one step, something changed
The fear that had controlled my mind
The anxiety that overwhelmed me
The depression that was paralyzing
The shivering cold of evil
It was gone
Replaced with your peace
A peace that passes all understanding
It was in that moment
As I took that trembling step
Through a door that had been so far out of reach
I could no longer hear the lies and the taunting
Only one voice that I heard at that moment
I heard you whisper so lovingly
As only a father will do
MY DAUGHTER, YOU ARE FREE!
