QUESTIONS

Another story from my past

This one was during a seriously questionable time in my life. Due to the series of events up until this point, I was literally clinging to whatever attention I could get, up to a certain point. 

Some of you know this more than others, but abuse comes in several forms. 

Regardless of which direction it comes, the bottom line is the same, you do not have to stay & put up with it.  That is definitely NOT part of God's plan for you. 

What they meant for evil, God intended for my good... Genesis 50:20

Met him through a friend

He seemed so nice

He seemed so polite

A gentleman even

Had no idea what was to come

 

Only lasted 5 months

5 months of hell

I tried so hard to please

To be what he wanted

Had no idea how much he wanted

 

Thought he owned me

I was a piece of property

His for the taking

His for the abusing

Whichever he decided at the moment

 

So lonely as a teenager

Just wanted love

But at what price?

 

Abuse was known to me already

A couple times before this

But why?

What was so wrong with me?

 

Mama’s words came back to me

Reminding me to not settle

Teaching me to stand

Not be a doormat

But also, to BE CAREFUL!

 

He chose verbal abuse instead

My words were judged

My looks were judged

My actions were judged

I was stalked

He had “people” watching me

 

His ultimate goal

To land me

To add me as a knotch

A trophy to parade around

 

I was different though

Craved attention?

YES

Was willing to do anything?

NO

 

Self respect, mama taught me that

Sassiness & Stubbornness, got that from Dad

For his abuse, I gave him a bit of my Dad

Just enough to piss him off

Especially when he was not allowed to “take” from me

That part I refused

 

Time went on, hopelessness increased

So overwhelming, I couldn’t get out

 

Huge fight one night

Down to the spill way we went

To calm down I guess

No words were spoken

 

I walked alone, over to the railing

Look down thinking…

It would be so easy now

so easy to end all of this

I put one foot over

About to put another

Then I heard it

A voice scream NO!!!

I looked around

I realized it was not him

There was NO ONE around

Then for some reason I looked up

I immediately knew

I knew where it came from

My creator, my savior

He loved me enough

He stopped me in my tracks

 

We broke up after that

Heartbroken?

YES

Did I stay that way?

NO

 

He tried to steal more than just physical from me

He tried to steal my self worth

My self respect

My individuality

My Independence

 

Stubborn?

YES

Sassy?

YES

HE created me this way

HE knew that I would need it

Need it to not give in

Need it to not give up

Need it to come to a realization

I was worth more,  A LOT MORE